Regardless of whether you work in an accountancy firm, a bank, an oil and gas company or even in technology company, every office is full of different personalities. And that’s makes things so fun! But it stops becoming fun when you meet these seven annoying colleagues… do you recognise who they are in your office?
1. The Tai-Chi Master
Any work that lands on a Tai-Chi Master’s desk doesn’t stay there too long. Tai-Chi Masters are experts at delegating work and dodging bullets. If you happen to be stuck in a heated meeting with a Tai-Chi Master, be prepared to take a few blows that have nothing to do with you. The Tai-Chi Master’s ability to absorb praise, while redirecting negative “chi” (energy) into poor unsuspecting colleagues is an amazing skill to be admired. People often wonder what work Tai-Chi Masters actually do on their desks. We suspect it’s a combination of meditation while able to look busy.
2. Mr Glass Half Empty
It’s lunch time! Mr Glass Half Empty is moaning about how the boss said something dumb this morning. It’s tea time! Moans about how the client is so unfair to him. Time to go home! Moans about having to go through bad traffic every evening. You’ve seen them. Regardless of the situation, every office has a moaner. Someone who has the unique ability to spot negative elements of any situation, even though the situation may have been a good one. These talented people make very good auditors, but if they were doing audit, they would probably moan about that too.
3. Talkative Tom
Oh no, Talkative Tom is walking towards your desk! No matter how busy you are, Talkative Tom will just stand there and attempt to “engage in conversation” with you in what can only be described as a monologue. Typically only the nice people, who are too polite to shoo away Talkative Tom, fall victim to his abilities to suck away what little time you already have to complete your work. If you are caught half asleep while he tells his life stories, do not worry, Talkative Toms are very kind and patient and will repeat their stories from the beginning so you don’t miss out on ALL the exciting detail that made you fall asleep in the first place.
4. The Blur Sotong
It’s pretty scary working on a project with The Blur Sotong. You tell them something, and two things happen. Either they say they don’t understand, and you don’t understand why they don’t understand, OR they tell you they do understand, and that freaks you out more because you’re not sure if they really understand. Blur Sotongs always look a bit zoned out and quietly roam around the office. And what makes working with the Blur Sotong such an exciting experience happens when the deadline for the report is due, and they unleash their creative abilities to come up with the most unexpected mistakes on simple things that you thought even children would understand.
5. MC Monday
These are the people that always seem to fall sick on Mondays. It’s a fever, headache, stomach bug, or flu (in no particular order), and it makes you wonder what these guys actually do over the weekend. Their bodies have special abilities that increase their immune systems from Tuesdays to Sundays (you did see their weekend party photos on Facebook), but on Mondays, these germs know it’s time to attack. Trying to have Monday team meetings with the MC Monday on your team is always going to cause you problems. Just do it on Tuesday.
6. The Furniture
We’re not referring to actual furniture. These guys have been with the company since 1962, they’re almost part of the fixtures and fittings of the office. Will they actually retire with the company? Who knows. Some people think The Furniture doesn’t like big changes, because change scares them. That’s a mistake, because truthfully, they don’t actually care. You keep changing, but they ain’t moving. They’ve seen so many people come and go, and yet they are still there, solid as a rock. Don’t be fooled by their zombie looking eyes, they used to be very inspired and motivated employees of the company. Ten years ago. If you’re interested to get a lecture on how people “used to do things around here”, just walk up to The Furniture and ask.
7. The Hulk
The Hulk has some serious anger management issues. Sometimes you might wonder if he’s actually emotionally unstable, or if he’s evil and doing it just because it’s fun for him. Even the smallest mistakes make him turn green, and if something really annoys him, be prepared to witness a transformation that is so dramatic that even the innocent bystanders get freaked out. Screaming, shouting, throwing files out the window, this guy is such an office bully that working with him on projects can get so unnecessarily stressful. Imagine if you had someone like this as your boss. And maybe you do.